You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
