booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Let's get the cat blown out
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
