careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
