i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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