I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
