we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
