She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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