I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
