you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
