you guys were way drunker than both of me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
