I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
