Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
