ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
