he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
