A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
