the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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