so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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