dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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you told grandpa to call you daddy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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