I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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