6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
