Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
