my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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