Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
