It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
