i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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