at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
