But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
