Plan B is the new Plan A
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
