Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How does one acquire holy water?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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