broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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