Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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