Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
