Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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