You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
