you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
