My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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