I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
