I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
