You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize