ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
