I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
