Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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