This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
