Me too!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
