Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
