Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
