Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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