My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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