Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and she was petting her beer can
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
