my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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