oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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