just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize