Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
