I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
