Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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