I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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