turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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