Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
