My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
