i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
