Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
