Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
