just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
