I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
