Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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