When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
