I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i drank out of a bidet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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