I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
