I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
