I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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