Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
