I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
