This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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