hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize