It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
