Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
